


Unicorns And Other Beasts

by novembermond



Category: Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Frustration, Sibling Incest, Spanking, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 04:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1154627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novembermond/pseuds/novembermond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor & the Warriors Four are adventuring and Loki gets dragged along. Then he presents the ultimate challenge to them: taming a unicorn!</p><p>Also known as Thor and Loki are horny brotherfuckers and spanking happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unicorns And Other Beasts

It was not long after the last glorious battle in defense of Asgard that Thor grew restless again. He had not been without a task in many months. So after some agonizingly boring weeks he packed his things and asked his trusty companions to accompany him. Then he dragged Loki along, for it was most unadvisable to leave his mischievous brother to his own devices. The last time Thor had left his younger sibling unattended for more than two weeks Loki had taught the Midgardians to melt metal, which the humans promptly used to bash in each other’s heads. That hadn’t been the problem in itself, of course. The problem was that Loki had used secret dwarven methods in his teachings, which no As and certainly not Loki should have been able to do and it caused a huge diplomatic incident with Nidavellir. And before that incident, Loki had caused a kerfluffle with the mermaids, among other things. So there was a Royal Degree that simply said: Don’t let Loki get bored. And well, if Thor was bored out of his skull, so would be Loki, therefore no matter how much his brother protested, he was going to join this adventure.

Thor and his friends happily roamed the nine realms, slaying dangerous beasts, saving a fair maiden or two, which usually led to Sif slapping Fandral’s fingers, and searching for the occasional magic trinket.

Upon Thor’s quests he came along a good dozen myths of horrible creatures, of wild beasts and unbeatable dragons. He found all the sources to those myths; he found all the monsters and ended them. After the first two dozen, the whispered warnings not to go after the beasts stopped, and not much later people started to pay him to seek the monsters out, to rid their villages of dragons, chimera, trolls and anything else that plagued them. He made a good fortune, not that he needed any of it. But it was a good thing he didn’t need it, since he had great trouble keeping all the gold and treasures. Somehow, when Thor woke up the next day after the visit to a tavern, at least half of it was gone again. He blamed Fandral, who certainly owned a suspicious amount of fine clothing.

After the glorious battle with a three headed red dragon he and his merry friends known as the Warriors Three And The Lady Sif were invited to many feasts and dances. Loki wasn’t invited as much as dragged along again; as often happens with little brothers and who would dare say no if Thor appeared with his arm slung over his brother’s shoulder? 

Usually after such an occurrence, somebody would approach them with requests for yet another slain beast, and the group would set their eyes onto the next target. Three whole weeks passed and not one messenger came forth. At first Thor enjoyed the lull. But only for a very short while; he grew uneasy and restless fast. 

“Perhaps,” Fandral suggested, “we have slain all the beasts there ever were. We must set our eyes on a new kind of quest.”

“We will eat all the food!” Volstagg cheered at the same time as Fandral continued with: “We will bed all the maidens!” only for the Lady Sif to give Fandral a sharp rap on the back of his head. Thor laughed heartily at his friends. 

“Peace, peace!” he called out when it seemed as if the Dashing Fandral would resort to hair pulling. “I’ll take on an ogre any day if it means I don’t have to face the wrath of our dear Lady Sif.” 

“Ogres were put on the list of endangered species after our last visit to Alfheim.” Hogun the Grim stated in his usual matter-of-fact way.

Thor sighed heavily. “It’s a tragedy. Where are the happy times when you could go on a little Ogre hunting for the weekend?”

“What about Hydras? They are very tasty.” Volstagg gnawed on a pheasant leg with a dreamy look on his face. Hydras were worthy opponents. 

“They appear to have gone extinct. And before you ask, Sphinxes were put on the list of protected creatures as well.” Hogun was such a spoilsport.

“I don’t really miss those, though. Their riddles get tiresome after the first round.” Sif said and Thor heartily agreed. It wasn’t right to skip a good honest fight with quizzes. It rubbed him the wrong way.

“You could tame a unicorn.” Loki said from where he sat propped up against a tree. Up until now he’d been reading a book and had seemingly ignored their discussion. “I need a hair for a spell but it cannot be taken by force. The unicorn must give it freely.”

“But only a virgin can…” Thor stopped because he was drowned out by Fandral’s laughter. “I’m not!” He glared at Loki who damn well knew he was not.

“Oh don’t look at me like that. Unicorns have a keen sense of smell; and that sort of bodily fluid makes them nauseous so they run away. No sex – and that includes masturbation – beforehand and you’ll tame it in no time.”

Thor narrowed his eyes. “How long beforehand?”

“Two moons minimum.”

Fandral gasped. That was almost too much for his delicate sensibilities. Hogun snorted. Sif and Volstagg were busy with the food and not paying much attention. Thor was trying his best to find a way out of it. There had to be some other beast, something fierce and dangerous to tame instead. Like huge goats. Yes, goats sounded like a good substitute for unicorns. 

Then it caught up to Thor that Loki had mentioned a spell and that could mean no good. He pulled Loki up from his seat at the tree and took him aside for more privacy. He heard Fandral snicker as the two princes retreated further into the woods.

“What do you need this spell for?” Thor cupped Loki’s neck, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“You need not be so suspicious. It’s for protection. Seriously, try to find one single malicious spell with unicorn hair as an ingredient, it is impossible.” He looked annoyed, as if Thor failed to understand even the most basic things. This made Thor more inclined to believe him than Loki’s usual innocent eyes. He had sported the innocent eyes when he had been accused of ruining the last feast in Thor’s hall, too, and there had been eye witnesses of him doing the deed. 

“What are you seeking to protect?” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “Myself, obviously. The last dragon almost roasted me. If our lifestyle keeps on like this, I’ll need all the protection I can get. You could of course just let me go home.” Loki looked vaguely hopeful.

Thor laughed it off. “But the fire spitting dragon was nowhere near as bad as the poisonous lindwurm. This time we only got a little singed hair.”

Loki stiffened. “That thing had three fire spewing heads and its scales were hot like the gates of Muspelheim!”

Thor almost teased him about his squeamishness about fire and thought better of it at the last second. There was no need to ruffle his little brothers feathers any further and cause him to blow a hole into Vanaheim in compensation. Again. Hogun would kill Thor. Even if it was extremely silly to be so afraid of a little heat. Loki was so frail sometimes.

“Alright, so you need unicorn hair, freely given. What else would you need for such a spell?” Maybe if Thor cooperated with Loki on this it would pay off tenfold for him. A thankful Loki was often a very enjoyable one. Thor used his hold on his brother to lightly stroke the side of his neck.

“Nothing much. Only the hair needs to be retrieved, the rest is already there.”

It was true, Loki had collected teeth, scales and hairs from their kills, lately; Thor simply had not spent much thought on what Loki intended to do with them. Make a necklace, or something. He liked jewelry, after all. Thor decided to buy or commission a few nice pieces for Loki in the next town, for more good points that might pay off in a very agreeable way. Loki leaned into Thor’s touch, which was a very good sign indeed.

“A simple protection only needs very basic ingredients. Liquid moonlight from a new moon’s night, the sound of a cat’s steps, that sort of thing. Add unicorn hair and a dash of materialized luck, done.” Loki continued. He also started to lean closer to Thor, their lips almost touching. Some part of Thor was getting very excited.

“Does it make one invincible?” That could come in handy, especially if there ever was another war with the Jotun. Thor didn’t exactly want to lose an eye like the Allfather.

“Absolutely not. If you wanted to be invincible you should have bathed in that lindwurm’s blood like I told you to.” The breath of Loki’s chuckle tickled Thor’s beard.

“That blood was acidic! It dissolved all the leaves that fell into it!”

“No pain, no gain.” Loki grinned wolfishly before he softly patted Thor’s crotch and slipped out of Thor’s hold.

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

Mischief twinkled in Loki’s eyes. “Did you forget? Two moons no recreational fun and you’ll tame the unicorn in your sleep. It’s not that hard.” He knew full well he had just teased Thor into arousal.

“I will not endure this just so you can make fun of me. What’s in it for me?”

“Given enough hair, I can create protection for the whole group.” Loki smirked. 

Thor grabbed for his neck again. “Alright, I’ll do it. But you can’t get off either until we’re done, understood?” Loki scoffed, as if it was no hardship for him. As if only Thor had so little control over his body. 

“You have a bargain.”

 

The first week went by smoothly. The second week saw Thor a little irritated, Loki seemingly unaffected. Thor decided to watch him more closely, to find out if he was cheating, sneaking off for a date with his hand perhaps. He didn’t catch Loki cheating, but the constant close inspection of his brother’s form tore at Thor’s resolve to not ravish his perky little butt… Thor noticed that Loki had taken to wearing less clothes than usual, more revealing neck lines and such. This was unusual for Loki, who often covered every bit of skin except for his face. This was how Thor knew the brat was doing it on purpose and he demanded that Loki stop this playing around and dress properly. For once, Loki actually listened to Thor. He covered his body up in even more layers of silk and leather than usual.

The clothes didn’t help one bit. Now Thor found himself fantasizing about taking them off piece by piece until Loki was lying naked under him, panting and moaning for more. Would the unicorn really know if he snuck off to have a little fun with his own hand? Would Loki notice? The only thing that helped Thor was that Loki finally appeared to be crumbling as well. Thor caught him throwing frustrated looks at Thor, and sometimes at Hogun. 

The rest of their waiting time went by in an unsatisfied blur. Thor had even forgotten why he wanted the unicorn in the first place, he only knew that after suffering this much he had to have a unicorn and if it was the last thing he did.

 

Suffice to say Thor didn’t succeed in taming a unicorn. It was completely Loki’s fault. He had decided on the very day they went for the unicorn forests to leave the collar of his clothes open, revealing his vulnerable neck with a fast beating pulse point. And the thrice cursed bastard had added a slim black leather collar underneath, making him look as if he was nothing but a pleasure slave instead of a prince of the realm. It was too much for poor Thor. 

 

Surprisingly enough, it was Fandral who got close enough to a unicorn to pluck a few strands off its mane. Of all his companions, Fandral was the last one Thor would have thought able to do it. 

“But I saw you leave with a wench just the day before yesterday…”

His friend presented the silvery hairs to Thor, winking. Next to him Loki inhaled deeply. “Extensive grooming and a splash of perfume seem to do the trick. You should try it sometime, oh barbarian brother of mine.” He had the audacity to smirk as he made a grab for the hairs. Thor intercepted him swiftly, tucking them into his own bag.

“I don’t think you earned these just yet.” Loki had, after all, done his best to keep them from getting the hairs he himself had sent them after in the first place.

A spark of anger lit his brother’s eyes up. Then Loki swallowed it down visibly and grinned at Thor. 

“Hmm, how do you want me to earn them? On my knees perhaps?”

Fandral turned beet-red and coughed. “Just let me… Volstagg needs my help over there.” He stumbled away, pulling Hogun and Sif with him. Sif appeared flustered, Hogun didn’t move a single muscle in his face. 

“Did you need to say that in front of our friends?” Thor growled. Loki had become far too comfortable lately, maybe a good spanking was in order.

“Why, are you ashamed of your friends knowing you fuck your innocent younger brother?” Loki gave him the big puppy eyes again. That faker.

“You have never been innocent. You were born jaded!” Thor accused. A throaty laugh escaped Loki.

Thor spanked him until his behind was glowing red and hot to the touch. He had rented a whole house for the two of them, to spare his friends and everyone else before he started, though. And when Loki was sobbing and begging for him to stop and fuck him, he spanked him some more, for good measure. Only then he gave Loki what he was asking for. 

A week later Thor apologized to the owner of the house, which had somehow been reduced to rubble during their days of love making. Thor decided that it was time to get back home to his palace, which was a whole lot sturdier than these simple cottages. Also more sound proof. He didn’t feel the need to slay more beasts for the time being, for he had a different sort of beast in his bed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> People like to pretend in a vaguely horrified way that the blatant incest in front of them isn’t happening, except for Hogun who is used to Vanir royalty who like their siblings way too much.
> 
> +++
> 
> I have rewritten this twice and I like it best in this version. In case you’d like to know, the first version had Loki as a foreign sorcerer that Thor meets through his travels. Then I changed him into a Jotun prince, but I figured there are enough wedding or slave AU fics, so I gleefully added the incest. The scene with the clothes originally came from the Jotun prince version, where Loki only wears a loincloth and Thor covers him up in Aesir clothes, only to get even hornier from seeing Loki all covered up.  
> Changing Loki’s origin also did interesting things to other scenes: in the Jotun version Thor understands Loki’s fear of fire, here he thinks less of him for it. :c


End file.
